Missing Mental Illness...

Sometimes I wish I was still in the worst of my depression, self harm, anxiety, all of it. Not really because I want to experience all the pain of that again. It's still here, but not as bad as it used to be and sometimes I think that maybe I would be a more interesting person, people would like me more if I were still really roughing it. I know it's not true. I used to be such a mess, and I could barely talk to somebody or leave my room! I wanted to die! I don't want to go back to that. It's painful and making me feel badly just thinking about it. It's hard to deal with the fact that I treated my own self so harshly through everything, so no, I don't want to live through that again. No, it's not going down. Been there, done that, check that off the list of everything bad and sucky. All I can say is, "screw it" I'm gonna do what I want, because I'm punk rock...just kidding, I'm totally not. I wish. But anyways, I'm happy, confident, and I kick butt, so what's there to really miss now? Yeah, that's right. I'm a rebel. You wish you were me.