Math is a Dysfunctional Family

Dear geometry,
To all you shapes out there, big or small- stop worrying about your size. You're all perfect the way you are.

Dear algebra,
If you want to find your beloved x, why don't you try online dating? Or, if you want to weed out all the crazies, actually go on dates instead of having other people solve your relationship issues.

Dear probability,
Quit worrying about the future. Live in the moment. You can't predict every situation that will happen in life.

Dear integers,
I'd appreciate if you'd all stop being too peppy and too pessimistic. Be natural and take off all the makeup.

Dear charts and graphs,
Don't stress about what everyone else likes and dislikes. Be yourself, and be unique!!!

Dear addition,
If you lived a better lifestyle, you wouldn't have to gain all that weight. Eat healthier and exercise daily.

Dear subtraction,
I fear for you. You mustn't be so negative about yourself that you practically starve to death. No need to live a life of eating disorders.

Dear multiplication,
I'm jealous of your superpowers. I mean, you're practically the best of the bunch! I'd like to duplicate myself- I'd be much easier to get everything done in time with only a portion of the stress to handle.

To the triplets: fractions, decimals, and percents,
Must you swap your personalities so often? Perhaps you've got to deal with difficult people and tough situations, but I'd like to know what to expect for once. Fractions, you're too complicated. Sometimes you ought to simplify your complicated ways of communicating. And decimals, sometimes you're so chatty that you last too long- often times forever. You might never terminate. And percents- you're my favorite. By the way, it'd be good for your health if you all quit working with charts and graphs and integers. It makes life a pain to have to compute and calculate. Let them live their own lives.

Dear estimation,
You need to be more precise, and you can't make other numbers feel left out by skipping right past them. Learn to be more considerate for other's feelings.

Dear converting units,
Why, why, why, do you have to include everybody in your little metric system party except for the United States? The customary system is just as wonderful, and I must say that you purposefully make life harder for U.S. citizens.....you spiteful little thing.

To The Math Family:
 Although I was unable to contact some members of the family, I'd like to say that many of your members are useless and have no purpose in the real world. I'd also like to add that you guys suck, mainly because I'm going to need a tutor to understand you.....basically a translator for the math language!!!!! I thank you kindly for the torture you've put me through. Have a nice day:)